1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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