i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
