Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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