everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
