Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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