some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
