we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize