it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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