the condom got lost in my hair
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
