The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
