Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
