I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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