We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize