they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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