I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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