just tell him i said nine months
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
