i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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