I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I am naked and annoyed.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
