I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
