Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
