Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
