apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
