Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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