Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I have fence marks all over my body
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
