i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
