I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Drunk walkin through police station. America
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
