You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
