I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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