would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
