End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
