what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just cropdusted the office
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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