i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
