I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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