What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
