I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
