if i can run in heels then i can drive
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize