nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
