Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
