Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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