i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
