no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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