I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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