My balls are so social today.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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