I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
