Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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