we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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