I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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