I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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