So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize