I cockslap morals
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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