she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize