Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
