Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Randomize
