you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
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