He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
