Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize