I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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