The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
