You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize