she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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