I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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