She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He shit in the fireplace
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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