I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
