Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I deserve this hangover.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
