idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
