I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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