does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
