her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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