Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
