yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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