I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
