i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize