then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
