I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
