I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
