if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
